Tag: critique

  • Reading the world, slowly

    Back in 2015, I had my final inpatient mental hospitalization. That May, I’d experienced the first break-up of my second marriage. I was hurt beyond imagination – we both were. Then there were dramas with my family. Summer of 2015 hit me hard, and I was unsure if I could tolerate my own hopelessness and grief. 

    So unsure, that I drove myself to the hospital for help. I spent the next two August weeks with a small pile of books and a roommate who was an art student, ten years younger; the thing I remember about her is telling crazy stories about my childhood and my life and teaching, and the two of us laughing so hard at midnight that the nursing staff banged on our door to tell us to shut up. I spent time thinking about how to reconnect with my purpose of being.

    At some point during those weeks, I committed to dive head-first into becoming a better human. I embraced my curiosity as a lease on life. as the thing that could save me from being swallowed by my own small mind. 

    When I got home from that last stay, I did two things: I got my tattoo, and I started thinking about making meaning in my life. I started reading more blogs from different writers. I don’t recall where on the internet I found this blog about one woman’s mission to Read the World in year, but it struck me then as such a profound way to experience the vastness of the world, and the beauty. I decided I would read the world, but, slowly.  Starting with the books I already owned (yes, book collector for life!), I began reading and learning from voices and perspectives and stories that so differed from my own. 

    As I read a story, book, essay, or poem from an author in one country, I’d make notes in my journal, and write short reviews of the experience. Through a series of unfortunate technical fails, the blog content was lost in 2016. All I have remaining from the reading and writing I did during that year is a google sheet where I tracked authors and books from each country, and the status of my reading. A checklist. I was so frustrated that I left the project behind not long after (I think maybe I updated the spreadsheet once in the past 5 years). 

    Until recently, I had all but forgotten this project, and its origins in my life. Opening that spreadsheet with its checklist, I remembered the awe I felt when first compiling it. So many countries, so many histories, and so many stories that exist, and for each of those, multitudes that will never be told. 

    In a way, I’m glad I forgot about this, because when I started it, it was probably more “goal oriented” than it should have been. Remembering anew has caused a desire in me to dig into stories, to learn from this world that has felt so inaccessible this past year. And now, six years after that hot August hospital stay, I have so many better questions to ask the stories.

  • The Gate (Nooner)

    This poem is after a close reading of the poem The Storm (Bear), by Mary Oliver. I focused intentionally on attempting to replicate the rhythm and meter Oliver chose, as well as other grammatical choices she made, such as tense and sentence structure. Find the poem and my close reading below


    The Gate (Nooner)

    New upon the shaky gate my kitten
        climbs, crying determined mews
        with new confidence.

    Spine and tail, wriggling, anxious,
        her view of the top, she claws, grasps
    Until the gate’s cloth divider freys
        in small, delicate pieces,
        An early warning foreshadowing
        the struggles of my mind in this world.

    You know, I didn’t see it coming myself.


    Close Reading and Notes


    Reading Mary Oliver’s original poem The Storm (Bear) and working from it caught me by surprise, because in my first reading, it seemed simple. That simplicity is deceptive upon closer reading. As I worked to tell the story of my kitten, Nooner, I noticed that Oliver’s poem’s simplicity was quite intentional and well-crafted.

    Oliver sets up the reader with the scene, setting, and details, using familiar and causal language that make it easy to connect with a scene between animal and human. In the second stanza, Oliver expands on the narrative set in the first, connecting the verb in the first stanza to the three parts of the second stanza.

    The first part of the second stanza, Oliver describes and expands on the verb; in the second part, she reveals the ending or aftermath of the action/verb; in the third section, she uses metaphor to relate the experience of the animal in that moment to the human experience. In Oliver’s poem, she uses the following as the third section of the second stanza:

         a long sentence, expressing
         the pleasures of the body in this world

    In the third stanza, she responds to the metaphor she has expressed with her own voice and feelings on the matter.

    Normally, I try to use the overall tone, grammar choices, and narrative structure of a work as a guide to my study, but it felt important for me to discover how Oliver crafted such a beautiful work that resonated with clarity and beauty, leaving the reader with feelings both simple and profound. I’m glad I spent time with this poem and worked to attempt to understand how Oliver constructed such a poem. I enjoyed this week’s etude, and I hope you enjoy Mary Oliver’s poem, as well as my own attempts to learn from her work.

  • Communities of Practice

    Anyone who really knows me knows that I am wary of communities of practice. My wariness has little to do with the people themselves. In the places and spaces I’ve been in a community of practice (education, music, sofware testing), I have found many passionate and well-intentioned people. However, I’ve also observed things about these communities of practice that have invariably led me to move to the edge or even leave most of them.

    First, the closer to the center of a community one comes, the more tightly held the belief structure. A friend of mine has a great saying  – “Strong opinions, loosely held”. I like it. That means that I can hold an opinion and stand for it with fervor, but, when presented with adequate evidence in a different point of view, I can let go, loosen my grip, make room for multiple interpretations, or even change my view altogether. This level of flexibility is the stuff of academic rigor and scientific integrity, but studies and hypothesis are not required to practice this. The art of listening with the intention of learning (rather than “listening to respond”) is key. Positive communities learn from each other, and the center is less like a rock and more like molten lava, shifting and changing with new information.

    Second, most communities of practice start to sound like broken records after a period of time. While there are large bodies of knowledge that inform many communities of practice, they tend to draw upon the same historic body of literature or scholarship, which necessitates a certain kind of repetition. In communities of practice like software testing, where the ideas and practices are rooted significantly less often in rigorous academic study and more often in the personal experiences of the participants themselves, it seems that the ideas are more circular and less well-examined, at least from an academic perspective.

    What do I mean by academic perspective? Well, since software testing is largely a qualitative pursuit, at least in the context-driven or exploratory modes, this would entail performing structured qualitative case studies to better understand what actually works, and to be able to answer the question “How do we know it works? What evidence do we have that this practice is working?” Qualitative research methods in the social sciences require specific tools and structure to be applied before a claim is made and verified, and then there is still (and likely always!) discussion and disagreement. However, the areas of disagreement are substantiated through rigorous qualitative research methodologies applied by skilled researchers.

    In software testing, we have narratives presented at software conferences as our single biggest source of information and evidence that a practice or idea is working. We do not necessarily know that exploratory testing produces better results than scripted testing, writ large, because we have never studied the practice in any structured way. While inspiring and interesting, narratives and appeals to the “thinking tester” do not make a coherent body of evidence on which to judge any action. Similarly, in other fields like education, teacher narratives and appeals to the “thinking educator” would not constitute a rigorous understanding of what works in classrooms. Many communities of practice suffer from an abundance of opinion and a lack of evidence, but software testing’s ubiquitous absence from academic circles (particularly and especially in North America and Europe, less so in India), make the absence of evidence more conspicuous to the participant with an academic background (in this case, me).

    Finally, in communities of practice, even those where many of the participants come from a wide range of backgrounds (bankers, musicians, writers, scientists), the bulk of thinking about the problems within the communities is centered on the domain knowledge of that community. Certainly, participating in a community of practice means understanding the fundamental values, principles, and problems in that community of practice. The thing that is tough for me is that so many participants see the trees, some see the forest, but few see the landscape(s) beyond it. In the education community, most of the teachers I worked with (out of a faculty of 220) told me that they did not understand why I would pursue a doctoral degree (a masters is required in NYS, so we all had them). They frequently reiterated that they did not see the value or point in me pursuing my education. Also, they did not see the value in me teaching in other areas and subjects outside of my own (I taught English grammar at a private school for a time, in addition to my job). Interestingly, they could understand the idea of doing it for money, but they could not understand doing it for learning reasons.

    In the software testing community, people initially responded to me learning programming by telling me that I “didn’t need to program” to be a tester. People in the same community have responded to my music and teaching background with surprise – “How did you get into software testing from music teaching? It’s so different!” (for the record, it’s not so different). When people learn that I am a writer (of technical books for others, of poetry/blogs/etc.) for myself, they ask “where do you find the time?” In my mind, the question becomes “How can you afford not to do something outside of your realm of experience?” Meaning that the more seemingly disparate lenses we can look through to understand our problem, the more innovative the potential approaches to solving. Communities of practice, by their definition, don’t encourage breadth of knowledge, as they are focused on solidifying beliefs around a center core.

    So, where do we go from here? We can do nothing.  That’s easy.  Or, we can learn from other communities of practice,  and adopt rigorous ways of looking critically at our own experiences so that we have a broader and better of understanding of the good work that we do.  It’s up to us.